So, you thought I covered everything in the other pages, didn't you? Well, you're right! This page is like the mess-ups at the end of the credits. It's even placed after my contact page. So, without further adeiu, here is my randomness. Enjoy. Or don't.
I feel really stupid sometimes. In third grade, Mrs. Heisik told us that she never wanted to hear her students say "gozinta" when dividing in math. It was on the last day of school that year that I realized she was saying, "goes into." All year I thought she was talking about the number beyond a google plex. It created mass confusion, and eventually the feeling of great stupidity once I found out what she meant. I'm an idiot.
Don't laugh at a funeral if you aren't reminiscing about the good times. Mom will get mad and you'll be in for it when you get home.
Guys are a lot alike: they drive me insane.
Pink is my favorite crayon. Pink is better they brown. My thoughts? "Crayon" and "brown" don't rhyme, Steven Tyler!
Sigh.
"Hey. I'll get my liscense on January 14th."
"Sweet. So you'll drive me around?"
"Yeah, but you'll have to pay for gas because you'll be a famous singer-slash-book artist."
"Book artist?"
"Shut up. It's 10:00 at night."
"It's 9:30." 12.30.02
("Alicia is not dumb." -Alicia)
I need to join band. 12.31.02
Sam Ash isn't open on January first, just in case you ever needed to know.
The saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Give it up little guy; give it up.
Personally, I wouldn't do anything for a Klondike bar. You could just go out and buy one if you really wanted it that bad. I don't remember what the people did in the commercials, but I wouldn't have done it.
Why can some people make out quietly and others can't? Is it rude to tell them to keep it down?
Oyo como va.
Led Zep isn't that bad, but no comment on the lyrics.
Do you do the Dew? I don't.
I have found an error in the Spell Check: it will not let you write "1900s." Did the 1900s own anything? I don't think so.
Aunque, mis padres son pantalones. Mira?
"Do you have a twin?"
"Yeah, somewhere."
"I meant your bed." -Robert at 1:00 AM.
Fake food can be detected by its missing letters (IE: Chik'n Patties).
I heart my boyfriend!
So, if someone says, "Bleep!" what do you think it means? You'd think they were cursing, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's what I thought.
"I don't have no teeth, y'all."
"Ha, ha. You stupid dog. Ha, ha, h- Ow!"
"If NBA stands for the National Basketball Association, then what's the one for baseball?"
"Well, NHL is the National Hockey League, NFL is the National Football League, PGA is the Pro Golf Association..."
"Melissa, we're talking about baseball."
"Oh, I know. I was just beating around the bush 'cause I don't know it."
Dogs' feet smell like Fritos.
Jewish people don't believe in hell. Hey. You learn something new every day.
My boyfriend smells really good.
The Bucs are going to the Super Bowl! Success!
The Bucs won the Super Bowl! Success!
"You're going to be in the Special Olympics?!"
"Not in it, you loser!"
Me: "What color?"
Dad: "The tall one."
Me: "What color?"
Dad: "Clear."
Me: "What color?!"
Mom: "Green."
Sung to "Rain, Rain, Go Away"
"Cold, cold, go away.
Come again never again."
That's nice. I feel loved. I feel wanted. I feel stalked!
Mrs. Sanderson: "What size do you think the kids in the typical family will be in the year 2030?" (Meaning, "How many children do you think each family will have?")
Stereotypical Cheerleader: "Overweight!"
Crush Day 2003
Let me set the scene: nerve-racking chemistry test that I didn't study for administered by an even more nerve-racking chemistry teacher, sweaty palms, aching head, racing heart... And then come the Drama and Thespian Club members with their Crush sodas.
Distraction. Just what I need. Thanks. A lot.
Since Rob goes to Freedom, I'm not expecting anything. So I turn back to the hell that is the test.
But, lo! What have we here?
"...I don't think so..." said Mrs. Nevismal quietly to one of the Thespians. Then, "Do we have a 'Bullwinkle' in here?" to the class.
Snickers. Laughs. Everyone's just yuckin' it up.
"That would be me," I said.
I probably bombed the test, and now I'm known to everyone in fourth period as Bullwinkle, but at least I looked really freaking cool from fourth period to seventh: I got a Crush (from Rocky, of course), and the popular girls in fifth period were empty-handed. Plus, who else is cool enough to code name their Crush forms? Yeah. I thought so. Baida B, you are the coolest squirrel I know, not to mention the biggest bax, the funniest facial-puke foxy momma, the Alpha Feti of modern society, the "nana" in "banana..." The list goes on, sister; the list goes on.
"Did you get your cap and gown yet?"
"No, because I'm giving this girl a noogie."
"There's no nickname for Margaret without a 'g' in it."
"...Peggy?"
"I wish I had breasts so I could know what it feels like to be punched in them."
"We're making Manwiches out of him!"
Mmm. Fermaldehide.
"Maggie puls the cat equals Erin." -My sister's friend on my sister.
My relationship with my boyfriend is nice; it doesn't sound whorelike.
"You're full of poo!"
"Well, you're full of moo!"
Never tell a joke to a mathematician.
According to my mom, peanuts are animals.
The chemicals have gotten to my Anatomy teacher. Today, she turned on some gosh-awful Weather Channel-type music and told us to think about the cats (that is, the ones we are dissecting) dancing on telephone wires with tophats. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is what preservatives do to perfectly sane people.
Gosh, I love Celebrity Jeopardy.
"I'll give you a piece of ham!"
"This is as cool as AIDS."
-Brian on the FCAT
"There's the right way, the wrong way, and the county way."
-Mr. Schutz making a funny
As of last Monday, I am no longer in Civinettes; I am now in the Chicken Vagina club.
"Can I have the noodles... and a gun?"
Have you ever met someone grumpier than a grizzlie bear with herpes? Neither have I.
"My sister workes at Publix, and one night she was stocking, and her friend was with her, and it was really late, and she was going down the isle, and her friend came up to her, and she saw the funniest thing! My sister didn't see it, but it was... Aw, man! I forgot! But it was really funny!"
-Laura being Laura
- Illerate? Write today for free help.
- Auto repair service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.
- Experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
- Dog for sale. Eats anything and is especially fond of children.
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
- Stock up and save. Limit: one.
- Semi-annual after-Christmas sale.
- Three year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
- Dinner special: Turkey, $2.35; Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(You have to love the editors... or not.)
"My heart's not broken; my throat is!"
